Adam, the mild mannered language student, was on his way to his Hindi class. For the most part, this two mile walk is uneventful on most days. This thursday was unlike any other thursday. The air was so alive that it burned in the nostrils. Perhaps it was pollution or the human waste river a half-mile away. Either way, it stunk and my story has yet to begin. Our young, dashing, and charismatic hero Adam, like I said, was on the way to his Hindi lesson. He was walking past the park near his house where the grass is green and the ground is uneven.
Suddenly he noticed, with his keen sense of sight and razor-sharp perception skills, that two ordinary cows had wandered into the park for an afternoon snack of dandelions (oh wait, they don't grow here), and Indian itchy grass. Then a middle-aged man and woman begin waving sticks at these docile, yet highly "advanced" creatures. It seems they want the cows to leave the park. The two people are herding them towards the fence. Although the cow is worshipped and revered above all creatures, it is not allowed to eat the park grass and neither are you.
With the pending "whacking" that awaits them, the mother cow easily slips out the park gate into the safety of the street, where cows feel safest, naturally. The younger, less experienced, adolescent cow tries to show off his "athleticism" by clearing the 3 feet high fence with one jump. What occurs next may not be suitable for small children. Well this young cow ended up only making it halfway over. The fence was just low enough that his feet could barely touch on either side. The man and woman weren't much help. They thought they could perhaps motivate the young bull over the fence with a large bamboo stick. For the next few minutes, I looked around for the hidden cameras and laughed to myself without showing any disrespect to the "holiest" of heifers.
Someone had to come to the rescue and this looked like a job for Cowboy Slim! (that's me with a cool name...). It took a few minutes of examination to figure out how to save this young lad. Should I push him forward or push him backward? I really didn't want to get kicked in the face and my horticultural experience is pretty limited except for a few failed "tippin'" attempts.
The time had come! This cow is going over the wall! I decided that forward would be the easiest direction. I took a nice firm grip around the "hindquarters" and after a couple grunts and heaves he was over. Successful! Cowboy Slim to the rescue!